Dating a goody to shoes
And to the extent that they these belief structures and roles, their flourishing as the unique humans they were meant to grow into will be seriously stunted.
But what if, when these individuals were young, such self-denying behavior evolved first and foremost to gain the approval of their parents?Such a deeply felt necessity can lead the child to adopt a certain inauthentic, or “fabricated,” self-portrayal—to project, or simulate, a “virtue” that inevitably twists them into a shape disharmonious with who they really are.That is, they turn themselves into badly distorted versions of what, otherwise, they’d become (i.e., had they not been so "indoctrinated" by their caretakers).Until they reach the age of 8 or so, they’re simply incapable of formulating a self-image independent of how they imagine their parents view them.Obviously, the problem with requiring such external validation is that in needing— sometimes desperately—to think positively of themselves, they feel obliged to adopt particular ways of behaving that they believe are essential to satisfy their parents’ quite possibly lofty, or unrealistic, standards for them.
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To put it a little differently, to feel they’re good enough to receive as much approbation from their caretakers as possible, they’re compelled to “handicap” both their thought processes and behavior. As they age, they can’t really allow themselves the freedom to evolve into their true adult self.